Doggie Extraordinaire

It Ain't Easy Being the Dog

Sometimes humans just don't know how hard it is to be the dog.

I'm the hero. I'm the only one who can fend off attackers -- which are EVERYWHERE, ALL THE TIME!!! -- and eat bad guys. It's a stressful life.

I take my responsibilities very seriously! Does this look like the face of a kidder?

Most of my day is spent barking, threatening and getting the word out that my house and human are invulnerable thanks to me. I get yelled at a lot, but humans just don't understand the kind of steadfast devotion it takes to defend them and their homes. It takes a lot out of a dog, so rest is essential.

Every now and then I come across something that's unfamiliar to me and I get a little...well...okay, I can admit it! I get a little scared! I mean, seriously, there's this giant stick with bristles on the end that gets dragged across the floor and makes this terrible sweeping noise. That thing scares the hell out of me! What IS that thing!? And I'm not so fond of sudden movements. Or kitchen utensils. Or toothpaste. Or noise that isn't coming from me. So, when I hear something frightening, I do what any sane creature would do: I run! I bolt! "Run for your lives!" I shout and tear up the stairs for safety in the bedroom. When my human doesn't follow, I freak out a little. What is she thinking? I told her to run and I led the way, but she is not running and letting me into the bedroom to hide under the covers. Something scary is out there, you stupid human! It's going to eat you!

You're thinking I'm overreacting again, aren't you? I heard something scary! I know I did! It was what? It was you sneezing? That's all? Um, well, then I heard something else too! It's still out there so you better get up here and save yourself! I think I hear it again!

After a while I start to build my courage again and I can come down a couple stairs and try to look like the cool, in-charge dog I am.

Sometimes I get the feeling she thinks I'm a big chicken and she's laughing at me, but only a really mean, mean, mean human would think that!

Eventually, I calm down and can go relax again at my favorite post, camouflaged on the couch. *sigh* I'm telling you, it's a hard life. You just don't know.

posted by Doggie Extraordinaire's Mom at 9:54 PM