Doggie Extraordinaire

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Every Seven Dog Years...

There's this particular day every 7 dog years that happens in my humans' house -- don't know why it's every 7 dog years, but whatever -- and they have all these sparkly things hanging around that I can't touch, and all these sweet treats they cook and eat that I can't touch, and all these boxes of stuff wrapped in paper that I can't touch.  It's really kind of a lame day because all the great things that entertain me, I can't touch, so I end up getting yelled at a lot.  But it's still kinda fun.

This time, they all sat down and first thing they did was open a plastic container and inside were all these squeaky toys that looked like food, and they were for ME!  FINALLY!

Here we have a baked potato that squeaks, which doesn't taste like a baked potato, but I'll still eat it.  The ear of corn is nearby, but for some reason, the baked potato is my favorite.

Here one of my humans is trying to take my ear of corn. Nope, not gonna happen.

My corn.

On the couch, I settle down for a good time with my pretend meal: turkey, rope broccoli, roll, potato and corn, but they're always egging me on.

The whole pretend meal came on a plate that was a frisbee, and frisbees can't stand up to my level of play.  This is the introduction...

This is one of the three meager tosses...

And, this is the result of me catching a frisbee, which punctures immediately and makes my gums bleed, so I don't do frisbees very often.  They are too wimpy for me.

While the rest of the humans tore paper off of boxes and made a big mess, I chewed on my pretend meal.

Within about 30 minutes, I'd pretty much shredded most of my pretend food.  Toys don't last long in my care -- it's like they just give up and fall apart.  It's okay.  I'll get more in 7 dog years, I'm sure.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Doggie E's Snow Day

There's been much chaos in the house lately. Big plants with lights and toys dangling from the branches that I'm not allowed to play with, boxes with colorful paper I like to shred, ribbons everywhere, people eating constantly -- it's been great! And then it snowed, which I'd totally forgotten about even though this is my fifth winter.  Snow is good and bad.  I like to go out and play in it, but I hate how cold it is and how the snow gets between my toes.  I'm not a snow dog, but I can play one for a little while.

Look at all this snow!  That's too much, even for me.

There is increased excitement whenever I have to go potty because it's such an ordeal to get everyone else all bundled up, so when I know it's time, it's hard to contain my energy.  That Guy likes to hold my tail, and it drives me nuts because I can't go anywhere without it.

Open the door. Open the door. Open the door. Open the door. Open...

Open the other door. Open the other door. Open the other door. Open the other door. Open...

OH NO! It's taller than me!

What am I going to do? I have to do poopies!

You know, That Guy didn't have to throw me into the snow. I would've found a way in. Sheesh. And My Human with the camera constantly taking my picture. A dog can't even poop in the snow around here with some dignity!

Birdies! Everywhere! I wanna eat them!

I think I can catch them if you just let go of the leash. Really, I can. Just let go for a minute.

Sure, mention letting go of the leash and suddenly it's time to go inside. Well, that's okay, because now I'm covered in snow and I have to rub it all over the couch.

The Humans put blankets and covers on the couch to protect it from me, but I have ways of grinding my scents into everything.

Even if I have to somersault to do it.

Snow: it's a good thing.

Friday, July 31, 2009

As It Should Be

Two weeks ago, I got sick. No one knows what was wrong with me, but it was awful. Not awful because I was sick, which was awful, but awful because I had to go to the vet, which was the most awful thing ever. They put all my leashes on me and then put a big cloth muzzle around me so that when the doctor stabbed me violently with that big needle, I couldn't defend myself. And they took my blood. And made me stay there for two hours, which in dog time is like more time that it takes to eat a whole Nylabone!

Anyway, I was trying to get the muzzle off and I scratched my face up good. I got blood all over the place, which I didn't care about, but my human did. Finally we got to go home, and then it took about a week for me to finally get over that trauma and they took me back for another visit.

This time I was feeling better, so I was ferocious.

As I should be.

All the other dogs, and all the vets and vet techs were scared of me.

As they should be.

Everyone was scared of me. But they still gave me shots. And my human shot some pink liquid up my nose, which really pissed me off for about a second, and then I forgave her. I always do.

It's how it should be.

So now, I look out the window and I want to go out, and I want to go bye-bye, but I don't want to go back to the vet, so I'm torn.


It looks like fun out there, and there are lots of humans and animals to chase. Especially those little humans who live next door and stand in front of my windows, taunting me. I'd REALLY like to chase them around for a while.

But I don't want to end up back at the vet if we go outside. So for now I'll just stand here and watch. And I'll stay inside where it's safe and I'm protected I can protect my human.

As it should be.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Attention, Humans and Dogs!

I am Cloudy.

I am a cat, therefore, I am superior. I am cute, cuddly, soft and feminine. I am a diva like none you've ever seen before. I will rip your arm off and beat you with it, then purr softly and meow while rubbing on your bloody stump, and you will like it.

I have taken over your world. I have taken over your dog. I have taken over your home.

I am now taking over your dog blog.

A few weeks ago, it got really cold outside and my former humans threw me out and moved away, so I went where I knew I could dominate. Yeah, these humans had a big, huge dog, and yeah, they pretended not to like me, but I am a cat, therefore, I am superior. I made them like me.

First I was just cute. Humans are suckers for cute. Then I meowed softly every time anyone spoke to me in that obnoxious baby-talk voice. They ate it up. A few purrs, some rubbing, and I was in. Now it's all about world domination.

The funny thing is, they make toys for me to play with to hone my skills, which will inevitably be used against them. How ironic is that? Take, for instance, this rubber band string.

At first, I was like, "Dude, what is that ridiculous thing?"

"What exactly am I supposed to do with THAT?"

"Fine, you inferior species. I will catch it and mangle it."

I discovered that the rubber band toy was much more of a gym than anything, and I showed off my prowess.

I must say, I did splendidly, both destroying the rubber band toy and impressing the humans with my abilities, all the while looking like the menacing creature I am.

The dog is terrified of me, as well he should be because after all, I am a cat, therefore, I am superior.

It's my house now.

I used to live out there.

Sometimes I long for the outdoors, where I could catch and kill more birds than one cat could eat, and I would leave offerings on doorsteps around the neighborhood, laying the groundwork for future domination. I do miss that a little.

But, I live inside now, where it's always warm, never rains or snows, and I am given my food by my human servants, who also run to have the honor of cleaning up my poo each time I go. I am worshipped. As I should be. Because I'm a cat, therefore, I am superior.

It's all mine. It will take me forever exploring, figuring out exactly what is here that is mine, but it is all mine.

And if they ever question my superiority, I just go back to looking cute and it's game over for them.

I am Cloudy. I'm here to stay.

Friday, December 19, 2008


I don't mind the cold. I'm a dog and I'm covered in fur, so cold isn't such a big deal to me. But what I don't like is anything wet. Snow, rain, baths, all of it is bad. It gets in my fur, in between my toes, and then I have to lick myself clean and dry for hours and hours and hours afterward. It's terrible. It's so like work, and work is for humans! Patooey!

My humans took me outside to play today, and it was nice and cold out, but there was so much snow. It was everywhere.

I sniffed around. Is it really that cursed snow stuff or just pretend snow?

Hmmm, smells like snow. Maybe I can walk in it anyway and it won't bother me.

Oh, there's so much of it, I can walk right on top of it! This isn't so bad.

OOF! I sunk in! It's up to my naughty bits!

Get me out of here!

I don't like this. Don't make me go in there again.

OH YEAH! I remember this game! Kick the Snow! I love Kick the Snow! I'll get it!

Ah, it's getting away! Must jump higher!

It's going that way! OH NO! Into the snow again!

Driveway is better. Whew!

Hey! He's kicking the snow again! I got it! I got it!

Grrrrrrrrrr! I'm so good at this! Must punish snow for making me wet!

I've been tricked back into the snow again! MUST! GET! AWAY!

I'm already in the snow and you're kicking snow too? I can't handle all this snow!

Peanuts dance!

Snow: fun if you can stay out of it and just catch it when it's flying in the air.