Doggie Extraordinaire

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Me and My Shirt

Why do humans wear clothes? I've never been able to figure it out. Is it because they have so little body hair? Is it because they're all pink and delicate? Eesh.

Sometimes, my humans think it's funny to put their ridiculous clothes on me. Clearly I'm wearing the coolest brindle coat, so stylish and classy that human designers wouldn't dare to try to mimic my beautiful fur. Why on earth would I need clothes? I just can't believe what amuses them.

So, here I am with this shirt on, trying to get it off me. I look ridiculous and you can't see my cool, natural stripes.
There are all these holes in their shirts, which they put their arms through, and then you can't get them back out. What is the point of this? Why wear a shirt you can't just rip off with your fangs when you need to?
It's exhausting, I tell you. It must take them three hours every day to take these things off. I need to lay down for a bit, but I'm still going to tug on this shirt. Maybe it will just give up and fall off me because I'm so ferocious.
Oh yeah, pity, that's what I need. Human! Get this shirt off me!
HEY! That human has my tennis ball! He better throw that tennis ball to me since he's putting me through the indignity of wearing this shirt. Does anyone know what it says on the front? I can't read it from here.
Mmm, man, there is nothing like the taste of new tennis ball. It almost makes me forget I'm wearing this stupid shirt.
You are NOT going to take my tennis ball away from me! Don't even think about it.
He TOOK it! I'm laying here in this stupid human shirt and he took my tennis ball! Isn't there someone I can call? Isn't there someone who will rescue me from this torment? If he would only throw the ball to me, it would all be okay.
You know, it wasn't until later, when I was online, that I was able to look up the word on this stupid shirt. Do you know what it says? PUMA! Can you believe that? He put a shirt on me that advertises a cat. A CAT! Oh, the humanity!
I had to get this shirt off me! I struggled and struggled, but this is the best I could do. Note the tennis ball still in my jaw. I could not set it down and risk losing it again. Probably, I'd have been able to get the shirt off if I could've set the tennis ball down, but around here, you never know what they're going to do to your stuff if you set it down. They might have WASHED it if I had dropped the ball, so I couldn't put it down.
See? Still got the ball. I have priorities. The shirt will eventually come off, but you just can't set the ball down.
They just think they're SOOOOO funny, and they kept saying how cute I looked. Well, here's a newsflash: I'm ALWAYS cute! I don't need no stinking shirt!
Are...are you going to take it off of me now? Please?
Because I look ridiculous in your yellow Puma shirt. Truly. It isn't even comfortable. Don't pet me to try to make me feel better -- get the shirt off me!
Fine. I look like a yellow sausage, but at least I have my tennis ball.
I love tennis balls. They don't wear clothes. Only humans wear clothes. And dogs who are victims of humans.
As if there was nothing left they could do to me, then the fight turned ugly. I never knew he played hockey. Look at what he did to me! That's not fair fighting!
Many things scare me, such as the broom, the vacuum, the hose, buckets, small dogs, salad tongs, mechanical pencils, the level, anything metal, anything loud, anything at all, really. However, being trapped inside a shirt is probably one of the most terrifying things I've ever experienced. I couldn't get out!
Finally I got out. Whew! I'm going to punish that shirt for a long time.
Maybe that's why humans wear clothes -- they put clothes on long ago and just couldn't get out of them. Poor humans.

4 comment(s):

Oh, Dog E., your humans are MEAN! Clothes are only for naked skin, not for the fully-furred.

I'm glad you survived, you handsome brindle, you.

By Blogger Cat., at 7/03/2008 8:15 AM  

I love DE!!!!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7/03/2008 8:52 AM  

Yay! A new post . . . D.E. rules! Looooooove him. ^_^

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7/04/2008 2:44 AM  

DE!
Yellow does not become your natural handsomeness!

By Blogger Magnoire La CHouette, at 7/21/2008 12:52 PM  

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